I haven't been too comfortable talking about this.

But during my Surgery last Thursday, I remember alot of things that one should never remember. I remember the cutting of my hand, the pressure, the coldness, and most of all the IV popping out and the feeling of wetness on my hand. I asked them, why is my hand wet, and them responding. You feel that? Then I felt them cutting my hand, and I started yelling at them, um hey...THAT'S SHARP!!!! And the terrible feeling I had in my tummy and feeling out of control. Then I remember saying to myself. I want this to stop. And asking them to stop because it was hurting. My first surgery did not go this way. The only thing I remember is, them numbing my hand and my hand feeling like it was on fire and thats it. I remember laying there feeling relaxed and not having a weird feeling in my tummy. Something happened in that room, and I feel as if I was taken advantage of. Not in a sexual way but the way of feeling all the pain and them not doing anything about it. I kept hearing my Blood Pressure too. I could hear my heart rate going really fast. The last time, I had a nurse talking to me and keeping me awake. I so tried to fall asleep to not feel anything, I couldn't sleep with the pain. OMG. And my wrist itself hurt for 2 days not the incision site but my wrist. And you should see the bruising on my wrist and my thumb. So, I can't wait til my doc appt. because I want answers. The first surgery, I wasn't afraid of any surgery after that. It was easy. Now, I am so afraid of surgery. The thought makes me cry.