Someone once told me too...

Stop living in the past as its not gonna change. But see I have a hard time letting things go. I guess once you been burned you have a hard time trusting again. Or loving someone so much and find out in the end it was all a "crush" thing and not true love. Or that you ended up pregnant and stuck with that person for the child. I see that one happen alot. Thank goodness, it never happened to me.

One thing I have learned is, that life is what you make of it and if you choose that road of depression and sadness then that is what YOU chose. Only you can make the choices in your life to change what you want. There is alot I want to change but at the moment I can't. I am not perfect, and neither is anyone else. And I refuse to live with hate in my life. I am choosing not to hate anyone for who they are, what they are or where they live or how they live. Hate will get you no where. I guess what I am saying is on some of the forums I've been reading and all the bashing on people. What good does it do to voice your anger? You might feel better while typing it but in the end, the people who read it can actually see the view from both sides and it really doesn't get you anywhere. That is why I am choosing to not return to a place of such anger and hatred, because I CHOOSE not to be apart of such childish acts. Life is too short for such BS.

This post all ties together into what had happened at my Son's B-day party. For one when its a party, please DO NOT bring your negative attitude to my Son's party. One of my Sisters had a complete attitude over our Grandparents NOT showing up at her daughters recital. She was told that they weren't coming. For one simple reason. They drove up from Muscatine/Illinois City,IL. to her house and she wasn't home. I am sorry but gas prices and being elderly isn't a good combination. But yet she seems to think that everyone should cater to her and oh whatever about them driving all that way to her house that it was no big deal. If anyone knows my Grandpa, then you screw him once...that's it. I am not sticking up for anybody or either side. Just stating the point that you don't come to a party and start fighting. And yet she wonders why I don't go to her house or visit her???? Its always a fight with her and this girl is tired of the crap she pulls and lies. Yes she is my Sister but I see right thru her and the stuff she does. And I am sorry, I don't believe in it. I guess I am just too old for games and name calling because that is sooooo 3rd Grade.

Ok...enough with the b*tching. I have laundry to finish.

The last nail in the coffin for me.

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Has been pushed today. I come home from getting my Son's medicines and realize my backyard...the one that I work sooooooooo hard in to make look nice has been turned into a f*cking store aka garbage sale from the neighbors upstairs. OH I AM SOOOOOO P*SSED. I don't care about my language at the moment. Frankly it sent me over the edge, my heart started beating fast, I got sweaty and started to hyperventilate. The part that makes me the maddest is its not just part of the yard of where they said, but my ENTIRE BACKYARD. I swear to GOD that if anything gets broken I will seriously hurt someone. I removed my gazing ball and some lawn ornaments but I couldn't get to my other stuff. I will remind them to remove everything by Saturday Night because its my yard too and I don't want f*cking garbage in my yard AT ALL. I hope all works out with this house that M is looking into. If so, three bedroom farm house....you betcha. And in the middle of Iowa somewhere. I am out of this fucking hole. I've enjoyed it here, I've enjoyed the school being so close. But this is what I can't enjoy. Its one thing to share a backyard, but to share MY STUFF is not my way of living. I am going to take a picture of it just to show everyone how gross this stuff is. I can't help but worry about my yard. Most people say, its only a yard blah blah blah. Ummm NO...its my yard too and I've worked sooo hard to plant my perennials and other pretties in the yard. Stuff that only blooms once every other year is also blooming this year and OMG...if some little brat f*cks with my stuff. I am going to have a major fit. I am having a hard enough time just sitting in here thinking about MY stuff I have outside.

Cause ya had a bad day!!

I think I had the roughest day of my life at my job. I am overstressing myself and I shouldn't. See I work as a vendor thru one of our hardware stores, which is a major store nationwide. Well, there were only three of us to begin with and had three new people starting. The District Manager comes in and starts lying about what we are doing, for instance that we ALL take breaks together and go smoke. First off....we don't smoke. That is the funny part. He felt stupid. Secondly, the three new people JUST started as well. So that was something else that was funny, cause to begin with it was only the three of us and only two of us would be left working. I need to get myself focused on a new outlook on work and just focus on the job itself, forget the people who try to make it hard on us and do the best we can. I am going to make a up task list for each of my employees to work on so we can work together but also work and get ALOT more done at once.


There was a ***** employee that started to whine about how she had to work on Mother's Day and that someone should of been there. You can't explain to someone who doesn't want to listen that I make my own hours of when I want to work. Why??? Cause she's jealous. OH WELL. Then trying to explain to her that I have to drive half way across the state of Iowa to go pick up my Son from his Fathers on Mother's Day isn't my ideal of fun. OH and I did work the day before so she can go blow a big one for all that I care. Can ya tell I am stressing here??

Ok....I am going to go eat and relax and think about the coming weekend. I am NOT working. They can kiss my tutu.