Let me See.

If I can make it thru this without crying for once.

My friend Lori said to me this morning. She was talking to her Dad, just thinking about the past and the vacations they went on when they were little. She was telling him of the time they were traveling and Lori and her Sister Cheryl were fighting over something. And her Dad said to them, just stop and enjoy the scenery and life for once. She said it brought a tear to his eye. He was struggling to breathe she said but was told he's been doing that for awhile. Hospice was there with them so it wasn't like they weren't watching him. But back to the story. She said, that while sitting there and watching her Dad. He looked up and was staring at something.

Lori asked, "What is it Dad? What do you see?"

She asked at least two more times.

She finally said., "Dad....if Jesus is calling you, then go. Go be with him.!"

She paused and realized what she said.

She said again, "Dad, we will be ok. If Jesus wants you then go and be pain free and we all love you so very much!"

She said, he turned and looked at her...she paused as she saw a tear go down his face.

He gasped for air.

She called her Mom into the room.

He gasped one last time, and went to sleep.

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After she told me this, my heart broke for her little girl Emma. Emma was the apple of her Grandpa's Eye. Emma doesn't understand this, she thinks that Grandpa is sleeping, but still insists he get better so they can go outside and play. Now for Cody, Lori's oldest. His Grandpa was more like a Father Figure in his life, Cody was so close to his Grandpa and is totally, I mean totally devastated. I can't wait to see them, and just hold them. There is nothing I can do or say to make things better. I know, I just need to hold them.

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If I am not around as much, I am sorry. Death is something that we all encounter but for me. I do not know how to handle it very well. Especially being so close to Thanksgiving. It makes me hate, hate the evil beast called Cancer even more. And what scares me the most is. I am lucky enough to have my Grandparents and my Grandma on the one side still alive...and very well. Most people do not around the age of 34. My Boyfriend's Grandparents have been gone awhile and tells me everyday how lucky I am. I do not look forward to losing any of my family, but....I say but. Because things happen in 3's for me.


I am so very sorry for ever being moody and bitchy on here. Actually, my mindset has changed. I do not know if I should stay here anymore. Maybe taking a few days off and away will help. Who knows. My heart hurts.

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Listening to: Kenny Chesney - Don't Blink
via FoxyTunes