Lets see if I can make it thru this.

Every other weekend my Son goes to his Dad's as per our divorce agreement. So its my night to think and reflect on the previous week. Well the conversation between his Father and I was shocking. I remember very clearly him saying he will never remarry because I was a money hungry b*tch, and no man can afford me. Boy was he wrong about that one. Our wedding rings were matching bands, he never bought me a diamond whatsoever, nor did I ever ask for one. I valued money to much to ask for expensive gifts. I am sorry I look at the bigger picture here folks. If we don't have the money, why should I expect that person to buy me something that I know we can't afford. During my entire marriage I worked a full time job. I devoted my life to our marriage. We didn't have any kids, we always had money and always went shopping. I mean it was great. But then reality hit, we had a baby and our lives changed....in my case forever. No one knows what I went thru during my divorce, I mean no one. No one knows the pain, the feelings of not being loved anymore, the stress of no money for myself or our Son. I've come along way and I am proud where I am today. But when he mentioned he was engaged, it wasn't so much shocking but I held my tongue back cause I so badly wanted to say, WOW, you said you were never gonna remarry, what's up with that. But I decided not to say a word, I've always wanted him to be happy again. I know we were once happy too. I wish them the best of luck, I hope they have a wonderful marriage, I really do but if this comes to a header of him taking Jonathan away from me. Then by all means, I don't have a problem fighting fire with fire. Me, Myself I don't know if I can handle being married again. I am not ready for that commitment, I have trust issues as it is. I guess what I am saying is, some things have happened and I am not sure what I want anymore. My Boyfriends Ex is completely pissing me off. I mean come on, on the weekends my Son is at his Dads is my weekend of time off from being a parent. Why would I want to watch her kids, especially when their Dad is working, which is my Boyfriend. To have that disrespect to me, burns a hole in the rug for her. I sent her back an email stating I could NOT watch them as I am busy. If I didn't have a car payment maybe it would be different but see I do and staying home isn't going to pay the bills. This isn't the first time she has asked either. She wanted to switch weekends because her Boyfriend's Ex switched weekends, I told my BF, heck no am I changing my life for her. It don't happen like that. I guess I wish I had some time to myself to be here alone without anyone but my Son here. My Son is my life, I love him to pieces and would like for him to be happy. Right now, that isn't happening. I need a miracle.